I think too much.
While this is occasionally good, but usually a bad thing, I fully blame it for my crazy dreams.
Because seriously... my dreams are cracked out.
A couple weeks ago I had a dream that my parents were visiting me at school and for some reason they were at my friend, Lyndsey's - who I'm not particularly close with in real life, I only met her just recently's - apartment and were basically making themselves at home. And I was confused. But my boyfriend was also there and so was this guy Matt who totally broke my best friends heart this one time kind of.
Anyway, I know there are news reports about a missing girl and the missing girl is Lyndsey and then I start freaking out but then Lyndsey walks out of her room, happy as a clam. Then I start to get suspicious and I look over to Matt who is acting shady.
So I tell my boyfriend that we should leave but he;s in the middle of drinking something and thats wen I tell him to stop because I think it's poisoned. He does, but its taking affect and I know I need to get im to my place before he collapses because he's too big for me to carry myself and if I leave him there, Matt will do something awful to him.
So I try to get him up and he falls down the stairs and is slumped against the wall, and Matt is walking over, unzipping his pants, ready to sodomize him. All of a sudden there are arbitrary voices that reveal to me that Matt intends to sodomize and then eat my boyfriend. So I freak out, shove the cannibal down the stairs and get my boyfriend out.
Only now, instead of being my boyfriend, he's Arnold Schwazenegger(sp?) and I'm his wife - not is real one just his wife in a dream, and he owns a famr - ad I'm not there and Arnold is in the hands of Matt who is now an evil scientist and has Arnold strapped to an operating table, having just done the experiment. At which point, Arnold turns from an adult into a baby, but he still has the mind of an adult - and it is revelaed tat he will live out his whole life as an adult trapped in a baby's body.
The scientist is going to kill him, but thn Arnold's wife shows up - and she's not me anymore, now I am just an observer. She picks up Arnold, refuses to let him die because she needs him to hold on to his rights for the farm land so they can harvest their food and yield a great profit...
Yes... cracked out.
Some are easy to interpret, others are not. Either way - I blame these on thinking too much.
I'm much better at handling it now though. When I was younger I would provide myself with multitudes of distractions to avoid late night thinking. I would watch TV, movies, have sleepovers, read until exhaustion - the thought of being alone with my thoughts terrified me.
It still kind of does.
However - I am happy to announce, that, of late, my thoughts have been much more pleasantly engaged. I'm happy. Worried sick, totally aware that I have everything to lose, quite ulnerable indeed... but happy.
I've never felt more cracked out in my life... =)
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