Trivial Drivel 28: The Chili Incident

Lately, I've been having hankerings for chili. Chili and Reubens, but that's another story entirely.

Nothing too fancy. Just your standard bowl of chili, with a bit of shredded cheese and diced onions on top. Not complicated. Fairly easy to obtain. I've been ordering it whenever I'm in a bar at an hour where their kitchen is still open and I haven't started binge drinking yet. It has been a reasonably successful endeavor.

Recently, I also discovered that my favorite hot dog place near work served a decent steak taco. Tacos are significantly cheaper than a Reuben and I can never say no to tacos, so I went over there to order two of them and while I was there I noticed they had chili on their menu.

I thought, "Why not?" and ordered the chili, asking for cheese and onions on top which the nice man, who told me I have nice eyes, told me it would be no problem.

Long story short: they put nacho cheese on my chili.

Trivial Drivel 27: A day in the Wild and WOW

After a day of Christmas cookie baking with my mother and Christmas card crafting for Turtle Man (he knows I like to craft and figured that extended to cardstock and asked me to make cards for his mother and grandmother), my family (mother, father, brother, grandfather, and step-grandmother) all decided to go the movies.

The movie was more or less my choice, and I chose Wild.

I... quite liked it. In fact, I believe it may be one of my new favorite movies. Reese Witherspoon is utterly phenomenal and the movie itself is laid out brilliantly.

However, for whatever reason, I strongly related to Cheryl for some indiscernible reason: I do not come from a broken home, my parents are alive and well, I have never had a drug problem, have never engaged in rampant, random cheating, never been pregnant, and.. well... I'm just not similar at all to the protagonist, yet I felt her guilt throughout the movie, felt as if I had done those things and had a strong desire to call Turtle Man to apologize for my poor life choices.

I still feel a little... raw, maybe? The movie itself was quite raw and honest.

I came home and at the urging of Turtle Man, took another stab at World of Warcraft. He was so eager: wanting to set up skype and create characters on our own servers of the same class so that we could quest together.

I caved and agreed to be a Troll and named her Avidenhadoh (A combination of Aviendha from the Wheel of Time and "je'i'toh). I'm overall happy with this.

WOW isn't really my game. I'm a solo player and prefer The Elder Scrolls. But.... it's hard to turn down that excitement. And I suppose I love him and all.

I will keep you posted on the future adventures of Aviendhatoh, Fistdontdor (Turtle Man's character), and the fire corgi.

What do you ask is a fire corgi?

Too adorable to handle - that's what.

Ta for now,

Little Tornado

Trivial Drivel 26: Another Day, Another Dollar

Today wasn't anything special.

I woke up around 11:30 - later than I expected to, but not altogether late.

I'm back in the suburbs staying with my parents for what I say is the last time but that is not entirely true.

I am in the last (and first) leg of grad school and this will be the last month of my life where I can officially say I have NOTHING going on. So, in a way, this is the last time in my life I will be slumming at my parents house with nothing to do. But it will not be the last time living at my parents house.

June waits ominously as the move-back-in date that has been inevitably approaching ever since I started college four and a half years ago. My job does not start until August 10th, so there is no hope of moving out AT LEAST until then. After that it I am walking the line as to how long I can live at home (difficult for 2 reasons) and how much money I want to save.

At the maximum rent I have budgeted for myself, living at home for a year will save me a whopping $20,000. If the sum was not so high, this would be a non issue.

I don't think I could handle more than a year - I'm not even sure I can handle just the one.

Part of it is the freedom I am giving up - not being able to come and go as I please and the ever present unspoken curfew (how late is too late?).  My parents are not unreasonable. They are a dream since how they were when I was in high school. But I am not in high school. I am 22 years old with a very serious boyfriend that I am used to spending a lot of time with. I have a crazy best friend who keeps me young in the same way that Turtle Man keeps me old - one that sometimes likes to keep me out until 5 in the morning. A lifestyle they do not approve of.

Turtle Man himself presents another distinct issue. I don't think I am shocking anyone by saying that a 22 year old has her boyfriend sleep over quite a bit. That would be done with me moving home. And even when he gets his own place, will I have to lie to go over there?

These are all mundanities that I will face when the time comes.

My biggest issue lies thus:

I will have to tell people I'm living in the suburbs.

The thought makes me cringe. Maybe I am a snob, but I've been looking down at my high school compatriots who went to their state schools and have moved back to the suburbs (whether with their parents or not) and gloried in the musk of suburb bars. I have not been to such a bar since I was under 21 (with my Golden Ticket to bar-land) and even then I went ironically. The thought of these bars swarming with not only my graduating class but my younger brother's graduating class? I shudder.

I don't even think much more highly of the ones who have moved into the city. They make a big show of inviting everyone from high school to stay with them and go out and... I know I'm being unreasonable.

In a previous post I mentioned that the scars from high school have not totally faded. What helped me was viewing Chicago as my own special club - one I had a right to. It didn't bother me that people were moving into the city - because I had been there longer.

I just know that if I go back to the suburbs... I won't feel myself.

This is the true reason why the year will be hard.

But I suppose I will have to suck it up....

I will return to this sour subject at a later date I am sure.

#

Anyway, today was fine.

I helped the mother make Christmas cookies - kind of.

And I walked Daisy and let her frolic through the tundra of the reservoir, but she seemed to enjoy it.

I drove Turtle Man and I to the city to go to the Chriskrindlmarket (tourist trap) and the ice rink at Millennium Park (another tourist trap and we didn't even skate. We have rescheduled for Monday).  We saw someone proposed to on the ice and that made me smile - I have ever witnessed a proposal IRL before. We went to the Billie Goat Tavern and Turtle Man made fun of me. We hung out at my apartment for a little bit and watched YouTube videos. And then I drove us home.

Nothing special, but I was still happy about the time.

I miss Turtle Man. Which is silly because I just saw him 3 hours ago - but it is the truth. A little over 2 years in and he is still my favorite person and my best friend.

I am very lucky to have him and my forever friends in my life.

Trivial Drivel 25: Happiness.

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Trivial Drivel 24: How I Got My Groove Back

I've kind of been taking this life changing ethics class.

Unfortunately I'm so stressed out all the time with taking 6 classes (5 undergrad and 1 grad) and working 30 hours a week while trying to get straight A's - not gonna happen this semester, by the way - that I can't enjoy it and concentrate on it like I'd like to.

Even so, I've learned so much about self control and having your own value system and they are all topics I want to write about on this blog someday.

But today, I want to talk about self esteem and self worth.

My professor posed a question today: "If tomorrow everything you have was gone - your family, your possessions, your friends - what would be left?"

For me, while losing everything would, quite frankly, suck, I wouldn't be left with nothing. I would be left with me. A sarcastic, down to earth, dreamer who is optimistic, enthusiastic, and gets trapped in her head sometimes. I like to be outside, on the beach or in a field. Give me a pen and a pad of paper and I could write down all the stories I ever wanted to write but kept getting distracted by things and people.

I don't know how many people would know themselves. Before I was 16? There was no way I could tell you who I was.

My professor said that people who lose things they love tend to have a better idea of who they are. "What does not kill you, makes you stronger." I don't know if that is necessarily true for everyone, but it is true for me.

Now, my professor lost everything when she was 9 - her family, her money, her nice clothes, but that is her story to tell. I didn't lose everything, but when I was 16, it sure felt like I did.

I had always been the weird one, skinny, awkward. I had had a shot of having a real friend group but I had the horrible combination where I was intelligent, passionate, and dramatic. I wanted to read epic stories and learn new things, but I also wanted the human drama that is usually only accompanied by the popular crowd. The smart kids were too boring for me and I was too "wild" for them. The popular kids were too vapid for me and I was too "weird" for them.

I had attained this truly awful human being of a best friend in junior high, I'll call her Frenemy. She was super fun to be around but it was laced with her consistently putting me down and dictating what was "cool." (Literally, everything, too. Down to what razors and shaving creams were "cool" and which were "lame." I had to BEG my mom to get me Satin Care over Skintimate. It was obnoxious.) Plus she had gained a posse who were also not very nice to me. They bred me to be very insecure. They would joke that I was the 40-year Old Virgin - that movie had just come out - and that no one would ever want to date me. Boys were not exactly beating down my door at the time, so, who was I to prove them wrong?

However, by staying friends with Frenemy, who desperately wanted to be popular, she got me an "in" with the popular girls in eighth grade and that's when I met Free Spirit, who then introduced me to Blondie.

They became my best friends and they actually liked me and were nice to me. They tried to build me up - and change me in the process, but whatever - instead of kick me down and make me feel hopeless. And they were cool! They were the coolest of the cool girls. Which made me feel cool too! Alas, I wasn't.

I remained best friends with them all through freshman year and into sophomore year. But then, tragedy struck! I had been videoblogging at the time and some boys at my school discovered it and I became publicly weird. I was jeered at in the hallway and people were relentlessly mean about it. My friends had know about them but once they stopped getting invited to parties because of me, they started to distance themselves.

Then I actually had no one.

Or so I thought.

I didn't want anyone else, I just wanted them. Honestly, I loved them so much before I even knew what love was and my heart was torn to shreds when they left me.

I spent about 6 months without any friends.

And boy, it sucked. It was super painful and awful but I wouldn't change any of these events for the world.

Because in those 6 months, for the first time since puberty, I actually LIKED myself. I learned who I was and what I liked. I learned that liking video games and fantasy novels wasn't a bad thing. I made friends with a girl in my science class that I had always clicked with, Tender Heart, and opened my mind and heart to things I had never experienced before.

I became better and confident and if I had continued hanging out with those girls, I wouldn't be where I am today.

This self-discovery, self-knowledge is not new, obviously, but it is ever changing. Every day I try to love myself a little more so I can continue being the confident, enigmatic, and a little zany woman that proudly pounds the streets of Chicago in stiletto Heels and torn up short shorts (in summer, in winter it's Uggs, Uggs, and more Uggs - They look like bear paws and I like feeling like a snow bear).

I know my direction got a little back and forth there in the middle but I've been up since 7 am and I need to go to bed so I can study for finals tomorrow. LEAVE MY BRAIN ALONE!

Happy finals to all my college kids out there and I hate everyone else,

xoxo

Little Tornado


** DISCLAIMER ** Free Spirit and I still remain close friends and I have gotten some solid apologies from her some time ago. She is a wonderful person, one of my dearest friends, and her tattoo actually came out a lot better than I thought it would.
I may not exactly get the path she's going down right now, but that doesn't mean it's a wrong path.

WWPD
(What Would Pocahontas Do?)

Trivial Drivel 23: People Who Hurt

It is so hard to watch your loved ones go through difficult times. Whether from outside factors like relationships ending or inside factors like depression and anxiety, there is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

There is nothing you can do except be there and that doesn't make it all go away.

Trivial Drivel 22: "Tough" Decisions

Have you ever been friends with a couple? I'm not talking about your friend being in a relationship. I'm talking about being friends with both members of a relationship. It definitely has some great pros but that is not what I'm about today.

What do you do when your couple friend is fighting? Who do you side with? Are there sides? I typically try to talk to each party constructively. Letting them vent and giving advice if they want it but never bashing the other person. This typically has worked well for me. However, what do you do with secrets or shady information?

I have been put in this situation twice now. Most recently last night. Though they are different. I will detail the first as it's less fresh and more unbiased.

SITUATION #1
I have a good friend, let's call her Kitty Cat. Kitty Cat is dating 007. 007 doesn't have the squeakiest of reputations and that's always caused a bit of turbulence in their relationship. Well, it came to my attention, that 007 had been nefarious with another woman at the beginning of him and. Kitty Kat's relationship. Being good friends with both of them, I had to decide what to do.
WHAT I DID: I let 007 know that I was going to tell Kitty Kat what I heard and then told Kitty Kat.
HOW IT WORKED OUT FOR ME: 007 was very pissed at me and I had to deal with his anger (by crying mostly, for as direct as I am, I'm also a huge pussy). They are still together and everything is out in the open and 007 is much less shady. I do not regret my plan of action. Plus he seems to have forgiven me. Probably because of all of the crying.

SITUATION #2
This time I was an eye witness to the shady event. Also there is a bit more gray area on the rights and wrongs of the situation but pretty black and white about how the person would feel if they knew.
WHAT I DID: I told my friend.
HOW IT WORKED OUT FOR ME: I don't know yet. Time will tell. But this isn't about me. All I know is that two of my friends are really hurting and I don't want them to. I don't know if they'll stay together or officially end it. Or how they talked about it or anything really. But it's not my business if they do not choose to share it with me.

I know they will both be ok. Eventually. It may take time. But they are both wonderful people and are going to lead wonderful lives, regardless if they are together or not.


Bottom line: I made this post under the illusion that I had a choice in this matter, when I didn't. I will always tell my friends something they should know. My only regret is that I did not give the accused party the chance to tell my hurt friend before I stepped in. But a clouded mind and a throbbing morning after headache did not exactly help my judgement.

We'll see how it all plays out.

Little Tornado

Trivial Drivel 21: Good Afternoon Campers

Bubbles and Little Tornado

Good afternoon campers! Rise and shine! And don't forget your booties because its COLDDDD out there!
It's cold out there everyday. What is this, Miami Beach?

... yeah, anyway.

I'm revamping some things about my blog. First off, instead of giving people fake names, I'm going to give them nicknames and everything will sound way less soap-opera-y.

The Important Ones
Turtle Man - otherwise known as Patrick, contemplating naming him "The One" but how much would that make us all want to vomit?
Bubbles - otherwise known as... not mentioned. Which is weird because she's like my best friend. Well, besides.
IBK - otherwise known as Sara or Renee, contemplated naming her "The Best Friend" but then Bubbles would get her panties all up in a twist. Also contemplated naming her "Mom" but she hates being called that and it would be confusing to have to differentiate between her and, you know, my actual mom.

As they come up, I'll alert you if a nickname refers to a previously mentioned person.

Anyway, a friend of mine, Country Girl, is going through a tough time right now. We've never been particularly close, for several reasons, one being she jumped into a serious relationship pretty quickly after I met her and also, she wasn't my little in the sorority, she was Plank's little and that kinda gave Plank (formerly known as Jasmine) dibs on her friendship... if that makes any sense at all.

I had her over for dinner the other night and she told me all about it. How she's attempting to conquer this is actually pretty inspiring:

http://chicagocountrygirl.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-happiness-project.html

So... as to why there is a post today... well I guess you can say I was a little jealous of her determination. I always wanted to have an active blog, I've just lacked the habit. So with my new homework and workout and writing attitude, why can't I add blogging to the mix? A post a day and then on Saturday's a vlog.

Doable.

My word clearly means nothing on here, but definitely doable.

I'll try to keep them short in order to have more material for tomorrow. However, I should note that the word count counter at the top of the page is now in relation to the new book I am working on that is semi-autobiographical: Mamihlapinatapai.

Toodles,

Little Tornado

Trivial Drivel 20: My New Apartment

While I realize that an insipid blog that is just me giving brief overviews of my life along with the occasional rationalizations for my irrational actions doesn't strike most people as someone who NEEDS to be published. But, I want to be and I will be. My goal is to have at least 5 query letters going out by July.





Things I need to consider and/or do

• There are two agents I like, but both are in the same literary agency and the literary agency asks to not send queries to multiple agents in their organization at once. So I'll have to pick one. Or send it into the actual agency. Hmmmm decisions.
• Perfect my query... 

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Unrelated:

I just moved into my BEAUTIFUL new apartment. 

Also:

Still with Patrick :)

xoxo

Little Tornado

Trivial Drivel 19:Updates

I haven't updated in a very long time besides the dream I posted about in December. But here are some important life events

Summer 2011-October 2011

I was single and happier than I had been in a long while. I felt free and strong and independent and wonderful. I was not prepared for it to end.

October 2011-November 2011

I met Mark*. Well, I had met him the previous spring but he didn't live in Chicago and me and him talked all summer and then he came back to Chicago where we fell in love and started dating and it was fast but wonderful and I was so excited and full of hope.

December 2011-February 2012

Surprise! The wonderment didn't last. Mark started being distant and awful and long distance was not good and I was slightly self destructive. I also became the sweetheart of a fraternity and made a lot of new friends. So, I wasn't happy, but I was having fun. I was basically trying to get back my old boyfriend, not the new one who didn't think Christmas presents were important and thought I was annoying. But, I was slowly realizing I'd never get him back.

March 2012

At the beginning of the month I went to celebrate Unofficial with my friend, Nellie*, and SURPRISE, one of the guys in that fraternity I had become sweetheart of happened to be there as well. So I met up with Patrick* and his friend who went there, Orion* (pictured) and seriously had the time of my life and stopped worrying about Mark and realized that I didn't want to be with him anymore... me developing a crush on Patrick probably aided to that as well.

So then I flew to San Diego with my mom! And broke up with Mark and had a great time bonding with her.

Then I had too much fun being single again when I came back and was much happier. I got closer to Patrick and asked him to my sorority's formal and he said yes! Unfortunately he got back together with his girlfriend the very next day...

April 2012-May 2012

However he still went with me as friends and we had a great time. I had a pretty big crush on him and was happy when they broke up again. And then sad when they were still together, if not officially...

Summer 2012

I had a crazy self destructive summer. I was very sad about Patrick and then Mark got married 3 months after we broke up. I was a mess. And the situation between Me, Patrick, his girlfriend got murkier and murkier. Then when one of my guy friends said he could see us together "later" and how he was good friends with Patrick... I just couldn't deal with it anymore and left town for two weeks.

I went to Michigan with my family and then Florida with my very best friend Renee* and literally let all the drama and heartbreak flush from my system. I accepted that Patrick was with his girlfriend. I accepted that if, in a year from then, Patrick was no longer in my life or he was but was with his girlfriend (and no confusion there because I was done being that girl), that maybe Orion would be an option but that it was too soon to tell. I realized that friendships between people of the opposite sex are complicated without a girlfriend/boyfriend buffer. But I was ready to put all of it behind me. And ready to move on and felt stronger than I had in almost a year.

Fall 2012-Present

Wellllllll as hypocritical as it is. Patrick did break up with his ex for good. And as much as we tried to take it slow and just see hoe it went. We ended up officially together less than a month later. And it's seriously been wonderful. I have never been happier in my life especially for such a long period of time.

He's the reason I wanted to update. I kind of freaked out on him this week. It's the heart of finals and everyone is very busy. So, Pat hadn't been calling me or texting me as he usually did. I probably shouldn't have freaked out, but I did. It scared me because what cued the change in Mark was when he randomly stopped calling and texting and I care about Patrick way more than I ever cared about Mark and it terrified me for a quick minute.

So, I acted irrational and crazy and well... just not my best girlfriend moment.

But, instead of getting defensive and angry. He told me he understood where I'm coming from and his communication has improved. And I thought that would bother me because I figure I would look at him just doing it to appease me, not because he wanted to. But then I realized, he is doing it because he wants to. He wants me to feel special and cared for. And he's not annoyed by it - at least he hasn't let on that he is.

Maybe I am a little scarred from Mark. When I had brought up similar issues to Mark he had thrown back at me, "I never thought you'd be the type of girl that would need all this attention. That was one of the reasons I liked you, because you didn't need me to call you everyday..." Which I always thought was bullshit because that was how it was BEFORE we were dating. When we had started he couldn't go an hour without contacting me before he just stopped altogether one day.

So however hypocritical Mark's statements were, they are still in the back of my mind. And I feel guilty asking for more attention. I need to accept about myself that I want attention. Specifically Patrick's. And it's not wrong that I do want his attention. I give him so much of mine, I deserve his in return and he understands that and wants to give me that attention.

I'm needy.

Gosh, if some of the people who used to be in my life could see me now they probably wouldn't recognize me.

But, it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Trivial Drivel 18: Everybody's On Crack

I don't like to brag. I really, really, really don't. This should not be taken as such... but the past couple months have been weird. I know I'm pretty and attractive but lately I feel like I must have like a wardrobe made of bacon for the amount of guys that have been expressing interest.
Mr. Beefcake* from my senior year of high school has contacted me.
The Man Whore* has contacted me (thought that's not unusual and we are friends, kinda, so this may be able to be discarded)
This really nice guy that I kissed a year and a half ago asked for my number (after not talking since) and wants to make me dinner.
The guy across from me in the library just told me I was really pretty. (note: my hair is frizzy, I'm breaking out, and I'm wearing my glasses)
And this guy that I met at a party one time at the beginning of the year messaged me on facebook and told me that "even if we never talk again, i just wanted to let you know that you're beautiful"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO MANY BOYS!
And I'm not interested in any of them.
Partly because I don't want any sort of relationship right now - but you don't need to be in a relationship to hang out and pursue interest in them.
The problem is, I only like one person.
And none of those guys are him.
And he used to like me.
But I don't think he does anymore.

Unrelated note: I'm starting to feel empty again.

Trivial Drivel 17: Some Updates

I'm writing again. I may even post a poem soon - once it's ready.
But anyway my goal is 50,000 words by the end of April.
I've done it before.
I can do it again.
Let's get er done

Trivial Drivel 16: BTW

I think I'm in love

I'll keep you posted

Trivial Drivel 15: My Old High School Teachers

So I was talking to my younger cousin last night. Talking about my old teachers and what not and who to love and who to avoid. And I figured I'd make a list.

My BEST Teachers

My AP Physics C Teacher	Senior Year	He was kind of an asshole - however, he was personable so I really enjoyed being in his class. Also, he ran by the rule that you get the grad you deserve. I was horrendous at AP Physics C, I failed almost every test, however, he knew I worked my ass off. I was in his office every single day asking questions. He gave me a solid B.
My Physics Teacher	Junior Year	The complete opposite from my teacher senior year. TOTAL sweetheart. And super enthusiastic about his subject matter. Made me LOVE physics. Super helpful too. Explained everything clearly and thoroughly
My Geometry and Algebra II Teacher	Freshman & Sophomore Year	Not much on the personality side. But he KNEW how to teach. Very easy to grasp concepts. Super swell guy. Build me the best math background
My AP Language & Composition Teacher	Junior Year	This was a man that was so incredibly intelligent but had the gift of never making you feel inferior. One of the wisest men I have ever met.
My Art Teacher	Senior Year	Such a weird dude but really friendly, personable, and really got to know his students. Made a great environment to create art.
My Creative Comp Teacher	Senior Year	Stellar man. Very passionate about his stuff. He LOVED me, though he was short with anyone he didn't think was being serious enough. But usually they weren't.
My Advanced Creative Comp Teacher	Senior Year	He made me WANT to impress him with my writing. And was such a nice man. Not the best judge of character. But a very sweet man.
My Trig Pre-Calc Teacher	Junior Year	He was a great math teacher, he was hilarious in a very subtle way, but the reason I loved him was that he LOVED me, for me. I was mostly quiet in that class, I just did my work, and tried my best. And that was enough for him. I never had to suck up to him - once.

My WORST Teachers

My Spanish 4 Teacher	Junior Year	She was a bitch. She would take off points wherever she could. For silly things. Which I thought was stupid. We did a group project once. And I wrote the paper and did the powerpoint. The other girl made the video. A video which ran on every other computer - except hers. We tried a new method of it working every day - but nothing worked. When it finally did, she took 25 points(out of 100) off for it. Our grade went from an A to a C. That's a technology fail. That should not be the determinate of our grade. She was a bitch.
My Freshman Honors English Teacher	Freshman Year	When I was 14/15, I did not understand what a thesis statement was. Instead of carefully showing me what it was - she would berate me for not knowing. And at the end of the year, she said to me, "I don't know what you're going to do next year in Honors English, you can't write." Well - you're supposed to be my teacher. Teach me how.
My Sophomore Honors English Teacher	Sophomore Year	He would make fun of me in front of the other students because I had a ditzy voice. Everyone in that class thought I was an idiot because of him. What a douchebag.

That took way too long

Trivial Drivel 14: 22 Days later? Much more appropriate

Life has been... stressful.
In short:

• Grades... could be better


• My license = suspended


• Restricted Driving Priveledges ... take as long to get as my suspension


• My summer job... I can't get to


• Money = low


• The boy-thing I've had is done (admittedly, it's what I wanted, but I was going to TELL him I was done, and he decided to ignore me to SHOW me he was done... so I'm just being a bitch and grumbling that he beat me to the gun show)

However, things are looking up:

• My final speech went well


• I think my research paper turned out well too


• I'm getting on top of my macro


• I'm going to get super skinny this summer riding my bike


• I'm embracing the glories of multiple part time jobs - when else am I going to be able to swing life this way?


• Summer is soooo close


• I feel liberated about the end of boy-thing because instead of worrying about power and balance, I get to be FREEEEE (why did I ever FORGET this feeling??)


• I finished my paddle


• My parents stopped FREAKING about money

Here's the plan for today:

• Go to cafeteria


• Obtain ICE


• Also obtain veggies, parmesian cheese, hot pepper flakes, and olive oil


• Make protein shake


• Drink protein shake while doing Macro homework


• CHILL until 9:30


• Work Out


• Study for ISOM

I... probably won't sleep tonight. But that's okay! I'm almost done with the hard stuff!!

After this all I have:

• Psych Final Monday


• Short Story Due Wednesday


• Video Essay Due Friday


• Macro Final Monday

Then it's summerrrrrr.

I'm just really high on life right now =)

Trivial Drivel 13: Whooooo so Me

I am freshly 19 and I'm very pretty. I am confident in my looks because I'm not blind and to deny it is foolish. Also - looks are not very important to me in the sense it is to others. I value it at it's face. I feel as if looks are like a fake id. Depending on the quality of the bar you are trying to get into, you need a better id. But once you're through the door, the bouncer and the id don't matter anymore. It's what's going on inside that determines if you're going to stick around. Which is why I'm much more insecure about my personality and my intelligence.

While I admire both of mine and I have bucketloads of confidence - I am insecure about the way I communicate them. My personal motto is "I think I'm the most awesome person in the world, and who's to say anyone else's opinion is more valid than my own?" No one. But this is tough to follow blindly. I always have to reinforce it. What is the point of this rant/information dump? This is my way of making sure my personality is fully communicated to you - whoever you are.

My name is Natalie and I am 19 years old. I like to party. I love to read. And I am obsessed with video games. I love people but I love myself more. I've been hurt so I try to be careful where I step. But I don't have a filter so I tend to gather enemies. But you need to know that there is no question of what you're getting into with me. I will be your best friend forever unless you don't want me to be.

I'm loud and patient and nice and a bitch. I don't take things lying down and I'm obsessed with Beauty and struggle with expressing my own. I like to rant about myself. I'm narcassitic like that. I make To-Do lists and lose them. And start projects that never get finished.

Maybe this blog will be another one like that.

I'm like my father in the respect that if I say something that I like, I'll repeat it and rephrase it until I don't like it anymore - but bear with us, we both mean well and like the sound of our own voices.

I'm like my mother is that I know what I want and am not scared to piss people off to get what I deserve.

There will be more posts like these - consider this your first real glimpse at me. Right now Jasmine is downstairs waiting for me to check her in because I said I'd make her pizza and Sara is on her way over to pick up her burrito.

Trivial Drivel 12: Todays Going To Be a Big Kind of Day

I'm in a weird mood today and I'm having trouble describing it. I feel big. Not fat. Big. Tall. Maybe a little cocky. I'm kinda super recovering from going out last night but I feel like the mornings after I go out. I feel INVINCIBLE! So I suppose I'm just high on life. I've been high on life a lot lately and it is raining right now so I think that says a lot.

Trivial Drivel 11: Oooo boy

I'm in trouble.
Big Trouble.
I like someone.
A boy.
Oh dear, this is not good
I haven't had a crush in... God, 6 years?
Man I forgot how much they suck.


At least it's not the whole... 7th grade situation again:
My affections, me being awkward and ultimately unattractive, always given without reciprocation.
This time I know this F*cking boy has some sort of feelings for me.
(Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm talking about deeper sh*t here)

BUUTTTT, we both have other people.Yes, I am dating, casually and nonexclusively, someone else.
And I do like the boy I'm dating.
But I don't have a crush on him.
Maybe it's because things just started with boy I'm dating, let's call him.... Kyle*.
When I mean "just started" I don't mean it's new.
I mean, it was like we met, then we were together.
So there was no time for the "crush" phase.
The same thing kinda happened with Adam.

But with Landon*, we're friends.
So that's probably it.
BAHHHHHHH!!!!!
I'm screwed.
But, that's okay!
It's kinda fun acting like the girl for once.
We'll see if it goes anywhere.



Anywhooo. I'm in class right now.
Natalie

*Name has been changed

Trivial Drivel 10: College (Continued)

I suppose I should start writing more.But I honestly don't know what to tell you.
I absolutely adore it here.

I miss some things sure.

Namely:

My brother, my parents, my best friend, and (suprisingly to me) my dog.

But I loooove my life here.

I go to Loyola University - Chicago.

And if anyone knows anything about Loyola it's this:
We are 60% girls,

40% boys.
Of those 40% boys, half are gay,
almost half are completely unattractice.
Which leaves about 2.5% of the boys here that I would actually consider

and 50% of the girls (The other 50% have boyfriends) are fighting for them.

I, however, have had no problems finding attractive males that are interested in myself.
I have not (I repeat, HAVE NOT) been slutting it up. Been tempted to. But I haven't.

NOTE: Not that I would post it on the internet if I have. Too many bad experiences with that.

But I've been having fun.

Parties
Loyola doesn't have a party scene, it has a bar scene.
The entire city of Chicago is it's bar scene.

And I am having a g-damn blast.

I met a girl who I go out with. her name is Jasmine*. She's super fun and always seems to have something to do. I really like her. She's on my cheer team.

BENJAMINNNN
My brother is visiting me this weekend. EEEEEE!!!!

P.S. I'm kinda seeing someone right now. It's NOT exclusive - at least I don't think it is - but it's fun. He's fun. If he turns out to be someone important I'll fill you all in.

xoxo
Natalie

*Name has been changed

Trivial Drivel 9: College!!!

Tis awesome. I am really liking it and I hope my excitement for it lasts. I believe it will =)

Something that made me chuckle:
An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing"

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."All the females in the class wrote:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Have a great week!