I cried for the first time in a long time tonight.
Everything is just getting so hard. I just want it to be easy again.
I think I made a mistake, but I don't know if I did.
I don't understand what I'm feeling. I keep flip-flopping back and forth. I feel like a fair-weather friend.
Right now I feel like I was wrong, but I wonder if I'm making up what I feel.
Like I'm romanticizing my life. Like it's some kind of TV show or movie.
I'm a teenager, how do I know anything of what I feel is real?
I don't want to look back and think how foolish I was.
But I'm afraid I'm going to do that anyway.
I don't want to be the girl that wants to feel it more than she feels it.
Ugh, I don't know what to think.
I need to talk to somebody, but its 3am and no one's up except the one person I can't talk to about this. Not because he won't understand, but I think if he knows I'm in doubt it will give him false hope if I'm wrong. And I can't hurt him anymore than I already am.
Oh, how I wish someone was awake.
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