Actually there's a couple ideas why.
Slightly Drawn Out Rant I Need To Get Out of the Way
Adam and I broke up. Two weeks ago
and I just got a prom date. He's my friend that I made on a vacation and we talk a lot.
When I went on vacation I was with Adam.
I did not cheat on Adam.
Because of this, I did a lot of talking and bonding with people.
I made friends.
That's how I became friends with Heath*
We were talking about meeting up eventually and we started talking about prom, and I guess he's down to go.
And he lives a full two states away btw, so it's not like a budding romance and I'm not jumping into any sort of new commitment right now. He's my friend, and I'll admit I have a baby crush on him, but that is not why me and Adam broke up. And I don't want anyone to think it is.
I didn't break up with Adam for anyone else. I don't WANT anyone else.
But I'm afraid once he finds out, cause I'll probably have to tell him, that he'll jump to conclusions and I'll have to explain myself.
Maybe I should just show him this post, lol.
No, as much as I still care about Adam as a friend, I really would prefer that he doesn't read this. I'd really prefer that few people that I actually know read this, but it's not a big deal if they do.
Writing this really calmed me. I think the reason I was so uptight is that this was kinda all decided last night. I really enjoy Heath, I would like this to be as drama free as possible. But I feel that if I go to prom with anyone there will be some drama, or pain, no matter who it is. I know that when I find out Adam's hanging out with some other girl I'll be upset, it's the same both ways.
And I do want to see Heath. He's fun. We bonded on the trip. I bonded with other people too but they're all girls so it's not like I could take them to prom. lol (Well... I could... and I'm not against anyone else doing that. But I, being straight, don't think that would be the funnest thing for me. I also think my mom would faint at the very thought)
Another worry, Adam did say he'd still go to prom with me if I wanted. And that's very sweet of him. But I'd rather go stag than with him. Just cause, we've never been friends before. It's still new territory. We've always been... together. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing. We can't do that anymore and it's an uncomfortable adjustment. That's not what I can handle right now. Especially when dancing. Like I can dance with guys I've been friends with but I feel that dancing with Adam would be too analytical. Bring back too many memories. I'm such a friendly person that a lot of people mistake the way I treat people for flirting. So if I were to really let lose, I don't want to cause him pain by making him remember things.
It would just be too hard.
I don't want to deal with that.
Rant Over
I'm hanging out with more people again. Yay!
Last night I hung out with Ina* my Kairos leader. (It's like a religious retreat) We went geocaching. It was so much fun, except I forgot my midol. =( Not so much fun then. Okay. I wish this post had been more positive. I had originally intended to title it "Happier" but... ah the next one will be better. Promise!
xoxo
Natalie
* Name has been changed
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