Random Meandering 3: Hookup Culture - Give it a break already **

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/get-rid-hookup-culture-bring-love-back/680826/

I get it. I really do. You meet a guy/girl. You hit it off. You take a couple shots, exchange a kiss or two, and wam, bam, skidoosh, you wake up the next morning next to them.

You skip out (or they do, depending on the location of the fornication) but you still hope for the call that, often, never comes.

I get the disappointment. And I get the blaming. You blame yourself, you blame the guy/girl, and, above all else, you blame hook up culture.

Well fear not! I have cited an article above that explains to you the steps you need to take in order to counter act hookup culture!

Keep in mind, this article is by no means a groundbreaking article. There are many just like it littered across the internet amongst the pages of TSM, Upworthy, and Thought Catalog. But, among its sage and well researched advice, this article gives you the keys to your future relationships and happiness…

Unless, of course, you know, it doesn’t.

I’m going to get crazy radical on the internet here and say maybe the problem isn’t hook up culture. Maybe, now stay with me here because I’m about to say something completely unheard of, there isn’t actually a problem at all.

You don’t have to hook up with people to get a relationship. But you don’t have to abstain from hooking up with people to get a relationship either. Relationships are not that black and white. What works for some people, won’t work for others. Giving a blanket list of rules of what you should do to fight a nonexistent problem is ludicrous.

Sure, I suppose, in general, if you really like someone, you probably shouldn’t sleep with them immediately… but, shit, sometimes it works out with that person anyway. Life is weird like that.

One of my favorite lines in movie history is from the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.”:

“All my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipshits because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipshit just like mine and that girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. But, that’s the exception and we're not the exception. We're the rule.”

And I fully agree with that statement… as a rule.

But, in life, there are always exceptions. And the exceptions are the ones you wait around for.

So you can continue following all the rules you want to, as long as you remember that they are rules not guarantees. And rules are meant to be broken especially when following them doesn't promise you anything.

Use your judgment and do the things that make you happy. Yeah, you’re going to meet some dipshits who you should have avoided in the first place but you typically don’t figure that out until it’s too late anyway, so don’t beat yourself up over it. Keep doing you, and you’ll meet a good one or two.

And let’s be honest: if someone is really going to write you off because you didn’t wait the socially acceptable amount of time to sleep with them (which is different for everyone, by the way), that person probably sucks anyway and you’re better off without them. ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

Keep Keeping It Real,

Little Tornado

** This is advice coming from some random 22 year old that typed this up during her lunch break at her internship and forgot to run it through spell check. If you want to take it as scripture, that’s your prerogative. But, this same random 22 year old wouldn’t recommend it strongly. The only thing this random 22 year old would recommend strongly is finding yourself a delicious slice of macaroni and cheese pizza, pictured above. Because, out of everything in this post, that is the only thing scientifically proven to be delicious.

Trivial Drivel 22: "Tough" Decisions

Have you ever been friends with a couple? I'm not talking about your friend being in a relationship. I'm talking about being friends with both members of a relationship. It definitely has some great pros but that is not what I'm about today.

What do you do when your couple friend is fighting? Who do you side with? Are there sides? I typically try to talk to each party constructively. Letting them vent and giving advice if they want it but never bashing the other person. This typically has worked well for me. However, what do you do with secrets or shady information?

I have been put in this situation twice now. Most recently last night. Though they are different. I will detail the first as it's less fresh and more unbiased.

SITUATION #1
I have a good friend, let's call her Kitty Cat. Kitty Cat is dating 007. 007 doesn't have the squeakiest of reputations and that's always caused a bit of turbulence in their relationship. Well, it came to my attention, that 007 had been nefarious with another woman at the beginning of him and. Kitty Kat's relationship. Being good friends with both of them, I had to decide what to do.
WHAT I DID: I let 007 know that I was going to tell Kitty Kat what I heard and then told Kitty Kat.
HOW IT WORKED OUT FOR ME: 007 was very pissed at me and I had to deal with his anger (by crying mostly, for as direct as I am, I'm also a huge pussy). They are still together and everything is out in the open and 007 is much less shady. I do not regret my plan of action. Plus he seems to have forgiven me. Probably because of all of the crying.

SITUATION #2
This time I was an eye witness to the shady event. Also there is a bit more gray area on the rights and wrongs of the situation but pretty black and white about how the person would feel if they knew.
WHAT I DID: I told my friend.
HOW IT WORKED OUT FOR ME: I don't know yet. Time will tell. But this isn't about me. All I know is that two of my friends are really hurting and I don't want them to. I don't know if they'll stay together or officially end it. Or how they talked about it or anything really. But it's not my business if they do not choose to share it with me.

I know they will both be ok. Eventually. It may take time. But they are both wonderful people and are going to lead wonderful lives, regardless if they are together or not.


Bottom line: I made this post under the illusion that I had a choice in this matter, when I didn't. I will always tell my friends something they should know. My only regret is that I did not give the accused party the chance to tell my hurt friend before I stepped in. But a clouded mind and a throbbing morning after headache did not exactly help my judgement.

We'll see how it all plays out.

Little Tornado